Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wherever I Go, There I Am

We carry our own enviornment with us to a certain extent and are quite likely to stand or fall by the same principals wherever we live.  -Laura Ingles Wilder

I'm banking on this being true.  I want to believe that my recently gained health will be with me wherever I go!  Cause I plan on going!  When I first fell, after the break down or whatever it was, I put aside everything I knew about myself.  I let it all go and tried to just be a person . . a mom. . and a wife.  My priorities were, in this order, eat, sleep and wash.  That's all I needed to know.  That's all I needed to do. . . because that's all I could do!   Simplifying life, I began to see that the only thing I cannot put off is myself. Well, I'd obviously been doing so for quite some time.  It was sort of like I had a newborn in the house again . . only it was me! I was so helpless.  I had to spend more time taking care of myself than each of my children.  And under my careful care, I began to heal: mind, soul and body.  If I could I would take a pen and cross out the word SOUL I would.  My soul is the part of myself  which I have always known to "feed".  That just came naturally.  And I did it so well and so often that I sustained myself for quite some time, running on the energy of positive emotion.  My body symptoms got louder and louder and I soon realized that I didn't know anything about taking care of myself.  With my caregiving skills being sharpened by my babies, I turned to my attention to myself.  I began with the basics. . .clothing...breathing. . . physical affection. . . rest. . . baths. . . lounging around. . . basically just listening to my body.   I began watching for my needs in the same way I attune myself to my childrens' needs.
Since then I have gained more parts of myself back and parts of my previous life back.  But now I understand, "Take care or yourself." really means spend time taking care of  yourself.  Someone needs to!  So I'm figuring if  I am comitted to doing so I can take care of myself wherever I go.